Heart’s Desires

What do you long for? If you are breathing, I daresay there is something on your heart that you desire. Perhaps many things. Do you have a wish list or bucket list of things you want to do or see or have? Which one matters to you most?

I sat among a group of women the other day for the first in-person Bible study I’ve attended in probably two years or more. It’s been on my heart for some time to be in community again with people–something we have not had much of since the pandemic. Though I didn’t know many of the women in the group, I heard a similar story from each one as we shared a little bit of our lives.

I came away with the renewed sense that we all struggle with something. We all have deep longings, heart-breaking circumstances, and broken places in our lives that we cannot fix. One thing we shared in common though was that we all knew where to take our burdens. To the Living God in prayer. And I could tell that these moms and grandmothers and some great-grandmothers were women of prayer.

Have you ever noticed that the older you get, the more struggles you face, the deeper your life of prayer? I know it’s true for me, for my husband too. Maybe when we were younger, we were too busy to realize the difference prayer made. Or maybe our needs weren’t as desperate then, but typically, the longer we live the more we recognize that we are not in control of anything and God alone has the power to change circumstances and hearts. I’m pretty sure He is far more concerned about our hearts than our circumstances.

While I said that I pray more now than I ever used to, let me clarify that. I’ve talked to God since I was a little girl. On long walks to school alone, I talked to Him like I would to a friend. When I had desires, I would ask Him. I guess back then I just expected Him to grant them, and often He did. But those prayers were a taste of what prayer should be and can be. I had a child-like faith that He heard me and I thanked Him for His answers.

But like any good Father, God couldn’t always say yes to what I thought were my heart’s deepest longings. He knew better what was good for me and what wasn’t. So sometimes, probably more often than I realized, I did not get what I asked of Him. I can bet a lot of you can relate to that. Perhaps you are waiting for Him to give you that dream job or that dream husband or wife, or a child you would give almost anything to have. And you’re still waiting.

In Psalm 37, King David wrote:

Trust in the Lord and do good;
Live in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

I used to think that middle verse, “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart,” really meant–“Delight in the Lord and He will give you what you really want.” I wasn’t exactly sure how to delight in the Lord, but I figured it was a condition to getting what my heart desired most. Perhaps you’ve thought of it that way too? Or maybe it was just my selfish way of looking at it.

The other day I was reading Soul Keeping by John Ortberg and in it he says,

“Desire is good, but when you want something too much, it threatens to take God’s place in your life. It will lead you to make bad decisions. It will put you on an emotional roller coaster. The ability to have anything you want actually can cost you your freedom.”

I thought about that for a long time. I know what I desire most in life right now. I pray for it every single day, many times a day. I know it’s something God wants too, so I know I’m praying in keeping with His desires. But I also know that I do have a tendency to want it too much. And I’ve lived on an emotional roller coaster desiring it for a very long time.

And then I thought again about that verse from King David. “Delight yourself in the Lord…” And I realized that anything I want, even the very best things that God wants too, are not what should be my greatest longings in life. The one desire that God will always give us is Himself. He wants us to delight in Him so that He can give Himself to us. In other places in Scripture, He tells us that if we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our heart that God raised Him from the dead, we will be saved. We become His children. We are His and He is our Father. We have His great love, which is higher and wider and deeper and longer than we can begin to imagine.

He has called us by name. We are His! Our souls long for God more than anything else. And no matter what we desire, good or bad, it will never satisfy us. Not really. Temporarily. Maybe. But in the end, be it job, relationship, or possession, it will disappoint us one day. No human can fulfill us like Jesus can. And I’m still learning that even after years of growing in faith and praying earnestly and asking for grace to love Him more.

I discovered that the more my prayers surrender to His will for me, and the more I praise and worship Him for what He has already done for me…the more I remember the grace He has already bestowed, the more I will be able to trust Him for these things I still long for.

Because desiring God most doesn’t mean we never want Him to grant another desire we may have. I still have a long list of things I’m asking Him to give. Well, it’s actually a list of names. I want to see people I know and love come to know Him and love Him too. But I can’t make that happen. I can pray for opportunities to share Jesus, as one great-grandma in that group prays for with her large family. I can pray for specific things and general things to happen, but I can’t force God’s hand. We can’t manipulate God through prayer. I used to “worry pray” in an attempt to control God. Doesn’t work. But it took me a long time to figure that out.

We are going to be happiest when we take those things we long for and place them at Jesus’ feet. And then practice delighting in the Lord. Praising Him even when nothing changes for the good. Even when the hard things come. When King David lost his infant son, he went into the tabernacle and worshiped. I’m not sure I could have done that. But David knew God was loving and faithful and that worship was the only reasonable thing he could do when there was nothing left to do.

Delight in the Lord. Not just so He will give you what you really want. So you will know what it’s like for Him to give you what your soul really craves. Him.

Selah~