Lessons from my window…

I’ve always enjoyed beautiful views from my window. Since our move the wildlife is more varied, the sunsets more vivid. I especially enjoyed sharing views of the bunny and chipmunk with Tiger. He found them fascinating too, and yes, I still miss him. It’s going to take me a while. Pet or human, when someone lives with you for 17 years, you grieve. So yep, I’m still missing him every day.

I’ve faced a lot of grief in the past year. This week I had a long talk with the Lord about all of it. I’m always amazed at the lessons God teaches me through some of life’s hardest struggles.

I learned a long time ago that if I want peace of mind and peace with God, I’m going to have to do something most of us find hard to do. Be honest. True, unrestrained honesty. The kind of honesty you have trouble admitting even to yourself. That’s the kind of honesty we must have with God if we are ever going to find the freedom, grace, peace, and joy that only He can give.

The trouble with honesty is it’s hard to find and hard to be. If honesty was a place, it would not be a destination we’d want to visit. No one really wants to look at the dark places in our hearts and admit we have them. But we do, don’t we?

Who among us as believers in Jesus Christ, has not had their faith shaken? Who has not been so crushed that hopes shred before your very eyes? Who has not succumbed to so much pain it takes your breath? If we are honest, can we say we’ve never doubted? Never despaired? Never landed among the ashes of a broken charred life?

I hope you haven’t. But since I have, I want to encourage you if you’ve been down this road. And I want to speak to the one who has allowed those doubts, those dashed dreams, and pain no one can see and walked away. I hope you will stay with me a moment.

This past year, has been one of the hardest I have ever lived. I haven’t added up the statistics on the stress levels, but I’ve dealt with the death of two close loved ones, heard the word no one ever wants to hear – cancer, moved in a short period of time, been seriously rejected, and lost our beloved pet. And those are just the things I can mention. I’ve told God over and over that I can’t take any more. But the truth is, I don’t know if I will have to. And if so, what then?

All of this weighs on a person, and I’ve been hit so hard at times that I thought it was the end. And then God sent friends to encourage me, and I survived. But the hits just kept on coming. And you wonder how many more times you can survive. I know I’m painting a bleak picture. There was a lot of good this year too, and I did focus on that.

But when life piles on trial after trial, we tend to become angry, don’t we? We can turn that anger inward and depression sinks in. We can turn it outward and become nasty bitter people. Or like Adam, we can blame other people and God. Ultimately, Adam blamed God for his own choice to disobey and eat the fruit. “The woman you gave me…” In other words, “God, it’s your fault, not mine.”

No one likes to admit they are wrong.

I’ve been listening to Job on my Bible app this week and boy can I relate to his feelings. Maybe not the depth of his loss, but I could relate to his pain. And when we read his words, we want to agree with him. He’d done everything right so why was God picking on him? Even the psalmists cried out similar words.

And it all sounded so righteous until God started speaking. God’s words to Job turned Job’s whole perspective around. He had spoken of things he did not understand and he repented in dust and ashes.

When we are truly honest with God and cry out like Job did, baring the unbelief, hopelessness, hurt, anger, resentment, and rejection without holding back, do you think God is offended? I daresay God wants our honesty, raw and unfiltered. He already knows what’s in our hearts. He already knows the sinful way we think, whether we want to admit it’s sin or not. If we understood God’s holiness, we wouldn’t question the idea of sin, but that’s another topic.

The interesting thing about honest seeking prayer is that God listens to those prayers. He doesn’t pay attention to our self-righteous ramblings. But when we come to Him and want Him to understand our inner selves, He has a gentle way of changing us in the middle of those prayers. We might be telling Him that we can’t bear our circumstances any more, and He softly reminds us of His love. He hears us tell Him that we aren’t sure we can believe Him any more, and He pours the oil of healing on our wounds. And we realize in the end, when our words are spent, that we do love Him. Because He loves us. And we couldn’t give Him up for anything or anyone. Even if that means we lose what we want most, we realize we want Him more.

When I had that day of honest prayer with God this past week, He reminded me of an old hymn that I hadn’t heard or sung in years. “Oh How I Love Jesus.” I just played it on the piano and sang (for myself) but decided you deserve a better singer to hear these beautiful words. So I found Carrie Underwood’s version here. Honesty with God has a way of increasing your faith and your love for Him in totally unexpected ways.

Perhaps you’ve been honest with God and felt like He wasn’t listening and you gave up. I would gently ask you to go back and write out your prayers and truly tell Him every single thing that is on your heart. Give Him every hurt, grief, past slight, resentment, grudge. It might take days to work through a lifetime of running from honesty, but it’s worth it. It truly is. If you want faith but don’t have it, ask Him for it. “Help my unbelief,” is a valid prayer.

For the one who may have prayed in the past and God didn’t give you what you asked of Him…or you felt that somehow He let you down…or His people didn’t live the way they were supposed to…and you walked away from Him…can I gently ask you to take another look at the real Jesus of the Bible?

Don’t look at His followers. We are ALL going to let you down. One day, perhaps we won’t look as bad to you as we do now, but as someone once said, we are just beggars telling other beggars where to find bread. Sometimes we don’t share that bread like we should. People will always give Jesus a bad name, but He loves us anyway. He left us here to tell others about Him because when He’s truly in charge of a believer’s life, He does have the power to transform them. He can make all things new. And He wants each one of us. Not to overdo the old hymns, but this one also says it well. Jesus wants us to be honest with Him.

He can mend those broken places in your heart. He can give you the ability to be free of guilt, shame, anger, hurt, resentment, blame, bitterness, and anything else that is trying to hold you in its grip. Freedom doesn’t come from learning to escape life. You won’t find it in a bottle or medication or money or busyness. The whole world would tell us if we have this new toy, that new medication (that might kill you according to the fine print), visit this new exotic place, start that new job, learn this new thing, and on and on, then we can find happiness. And peace.

I wonder how well that’s working for most of humanity. All of our running really doesn’t last long, does it? The problems return and the relief evaporates.

There is only One who can give lasting peace and change the human heart. God has written His laws on our hearts. We know deep down what is true. And if we don’t, we have only to ask the One who is Truth, to show us. He promises that if we truly seek Him, we will find Him. But that brings us back to honesty.

How willing are we to risk being honest with God? When is the last time you attempted to pray? If you don’t pray, why not? What risk is there in being truly honest with the Creator of all? The One who made you knows you best and loves you most.

So if you believe but your faith is so fragile you don’t know how long it will last, or if you used to believe and walked away, or if you’ve never believed but would sure like peace in your broken world, I hope you will learn what I’ve learned from my window…not the window to the beauty out back…the window of my soul to God’s heart.

God can be trusted with our honesty. He doesn’t gossip. He keeps your secrets. And He exchanges your burdens with His unfailing love and peace.

~Selah