Why Forgive?

When Jesus walked the earth, He taught a lot of things that seemed backward or upside down to those listening. That thought became even more real to me as I wrote Dawn of Grace, Mary Magdalene’s Story. How many times did Jesus’ disciples misunderstand His words?

Obviously, they weren’t really paying attention when Jesus shifted from teaching about the kingdom, which they expected to come in their lifetime, to talking about going to Jerusalem where He would be handed over to the authorities and killed, but that He would rise again. Rise again? What did that mean? Since they didn’t get it, they shifted their thoughts back to the kingdom and began to argue about who among them would be the greatest.

How easily we do that–change the subject rather than address what we do not understand.

There was one time, however, when Peter was paying attention. Jesus talked about forgiveness, and I wonder if Peter had someone in his life that he knew he needed to forgive but the task seemed impossible. Of course, Peter could have just been asking a rhetorical question, but still. Why did he come to Jesus and ask Him how often he should forgive his brother? Seven times? That seemed like a reasonable, even generous number to Peter, no doubt.

But Jesus responded not seven times but “seventy times seven.” In other words, there is no limit, which really tells us that there is no limit to how often God will forgive us if we ask Him to.

But we have a hard time with this whole forgiveness concept, don’t we? How many bitter people do you know? Perhaps you could point to yourself and say you are one of them. If not, we can at least admit to being tempted to hold a grudge, yes? It’s far too easy to do. In fact, I believe it is easier to resent and blame another who has hurt us than it is to forgive them.

Nelson Mandela is quoted as saying, ““Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” And…“Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.”

A powerful weapon? Yes. Against fear. Against becoming a bitter, resentful, untrusting human being. And a weapon against thinking that we are the all-powerful judge and jury who can determine who deserves to be forgiven.

When I had cancer, I made a decision to mix a traditional surgery with non-traditional follow-up therapy. I spent hours and hours listening to health gurus who had overcome cancer give me their advice and treatment suggestions. On three points most all of them agreed.

1. Eat a cleaner, plant-based (not necessarily vegetarian), less sugar-filled diet.
2. Practice Forgiveness
3. Learn how to manage stress

Eating cleaner…giving up most sugar…that will be a challenge for the rest of my life.

Forgiving others and even myself is something I learned to do a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean I’m not continually facing the need to do so again and again.

Stress…that’s another issue I’m not so good at.

Why forgive? It’s part of an emotionally healthy life, not to mention it’s what God requires of us. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

In our world, we’ve lost the understanding and even the concept of sin. The lack of biblical literacy and the purposeful denial of God as both loving and just has made us think He will not hold people accountable for their actions. Our own justice system doesn’t mete out true justice much of the time, so we think we can get away with anything. Lying has become commonplace, but did you know that God hates lying? (Proverbs 6:17) He would call lying a sin–something we all need to be forgiven for doing.

I fear that we can’t even relate to Peter’s understanding of forgiving his brother because too many of us have unforgiving hearts. If we do something that hurts someone, we make excuses as to why we did so. Or if we feel guilty or ashamed, we no longer tolerate those feelings, so we shift the blame to someone else. It’s not our fault, it’s their’s. We no longer hold to a standard to guide our moral compass, and we no longer take responsibility for our actions or our words.

If we don’t want to forgive, why should we?

Except that when we hold on to a grudge, we grow bitter. We shrivel up inside because we keep drinking the poison of resentment. Or we think that we don’t have to forgive until or unless the person we are angry with earns our forgiveness and our trust.

But what if they are never sorry? What if we feel wounded by someone, and either they don’t realize they’ve hurt us or they don’t care and never apologize? What do we do then?

We forgive them anyway. If we do not, we will hold ourselves hostage to pain and suffering and anger and resentment and bitterness and so much more. The Bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger because it gives the devil a foothold into our life.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Why forgive? Because Jesus told us to do so. Because God, through Jesus Christ, forgave us when He died on the cross. Because if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us. Because true freedom forgives even the most unrepentant and undeserving person, whether they ask for it or not.

That’s not to say that God will forgive everyone everything if they do not repent or ask. But we must learn to forgive for our own sake. Not that our forgiveness of others will save them, but it will free us from a life of misery.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t afford to live a life of misery. Those who have been forgiven much love much, and I’ve been forgiven much by my loving Heavenly Father. How can I do any less than forgive those who have wronged me? Even when the wrongs keep coming and continue year after year, I have no choice but to forgive, day after day. Seventy times seven.

Because if we don’t forgive, we really don’t know how to love.

~Selah