Have you ever looked back to an earlier time in your life? Or perhaps an earlier time in the life of someone you love? In a sense it’s kind of like a study in history, but I’m not talking about reading history books or biographies of people you don’t know. I’m talking about seeking to understand your own family history.
Looking back at old black and white photos can be eye-opening. The thing is, when we are young, we don’t really relate to people older than we are. I came along a little later than most during my mom’s life—an “oops” baby as it were. So I had no idea what growing up was like for my older brother and sister. And I didn’t know what my parents had lived through during WWII or the years of tragedy and trial that followed. I was just a kid living in my own little world.
Fast forward many years. My parents were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and we decided to give them a big family party. (Well, okay, we have a rather small family, but everyone was invited and it seemed big to us.)
As I sorted through their wedding photos, which I’d seen before but somehow never looked at very closely, I thought, “They were so young!” And indeed they were. My dad was just 20 and my mom not quite 19 when they married.
As I studied their photos, their youth hit me with fresh understanding and compassion, or perhaps mercy? I could not look at those photos without realizing that any “mistakes” I may have thought they’d made didn’t hold quite the same weight as they once did. (Not that I could think of many, but if there were, I understood that we often blow it when we’re young.) I had three kids by then so I knew how easy it was to not be the best parent at every moment at all times.
Looking back can give us better perspective.
The same thing happened to me recently when I was sorting through photos that were part of my husband’s family. When I met my in-laws, they were already in their 60s, so to me they seemed old. (I find 60 rather young now, but that was then.) Photos of those bygone years, like some my grandma shared with me when I was growing up, showed a much younger side of those “older” family members. And when you see that your grandparents or even your parents were young once, like you might be now, you see them in a different light.
When we are young, we can’t imagine being old. It’s just not on the radar. We can’t wait to grow up. I was ten going on thirteen going on sixteen going on twenty-one until you hit about thirty and then you don’t mind if you stop counting. But then forty creeps up on you and on and on until like my mom you are close to 96.
And that mom who was married before she turned 19 is 77 years past that special day. But while she may be older and wiser, there is still part of that young, impressionable girl inside of her. She exists inside of me too. And all of us.
None of us truly grows old enough to have arrived at supreme maturity no matter what our age. But we can gain better perspective by looking back and seeing others as flawed human beings with hopes and dreams, just like us. Maybe they didn’t get to see their dreams realized. Or maybe they did, but later had them dashed. Maybe life treated them well, maybe it didn’t. But one thing is certain, we are not so very different from one another.
And I think that while it is important to press forward toward the goals God has for us, it also pays to look back and remember and gain a thread of mercy and grace to those who came before us. What makes people who they are? What made my grandmother quick to give things away? What made my dad keep his silence about WWII? Why did my great-grandmother live with a broken heart? (She lost several children.) Actually both of my grandmothers lost children. I have a lot of empathy for the hard life they lived.
Perhaps in looking back at those who came before us, we might find that God can heal some of the wounds in our own hearts as we seek to understand the wounds in theirs. And the toil under which they suffered.
Maybe we would be more grateful people too. Looking back isn’t a place to stay. But it is a place to learn and grow as we step forward into our future. We can learn how they did things, and more importantly who they were. I’ll admit pictures alone won’t tell us that, but we can get a glimpse. Even a glimpse can be enough to give us a more compassionate heart.
~Selah
#lookingback #gratefulpeople #learningfromthepast #compassion #understanding #theywereyoungonce
