There are some years we would rather not repeat and others we wish we could live over again for the fun we had. Perhaps I’ve lived just long enough to have experienced both, and I guess I need this reminder to me as much as I’m sharing it with you.
You see, I’ve been thinking today and these past weeks of not only the year in reflection but years gone by. If I focus on 2017, I will tell you it had it’s high moments and it’s low moments. When you lose two family members to cancer in the same year–well, many of you have written to me and told me you have lived through similar pain. So while I am forever grateful for the memories we have of those last moments with them, I can’t help but think about how their immediate families feel this Christmas with one missing place at the table.
But there are other kinds of pain people go through, some again, you have told me in your kind letters to me. Christmas is touted as being about “family” and that isn’t a bad thing. But families come in so many shapes and sizes and let’s face it, no one on earth has a perfect family or gatherings that never include drama. That would be heaven and we are not there yet!
So some of us had quiet Christmases with no one to join us around the table. We did not scramble down the stairs as in Christmases past and open the presents under the tree early in the morning. We did not sit around the table and join in the laughter and joy of just being together because for many of us, there was no “together.” Counting back the years, our family has not celebrated Christmas “together” in five years. Distance is a huge factor, whether we like it or not.
Still others had more parties to attend than they could keep up with and the kids were crabby and tired of being dragged to yet another celebration with relatives or friends and they just wanted to stay home and play with their toys. And Mom and Dad wanted to give into that wish out of sheer exhaustion, but they had obligations and well…if we don’t have them now, most of us remember those days, yes?
But besides Christmas 2017, a lot came before these end-of-year musings. We celebrated 40 years of marriage. A milestone we thoroughly enjoyed! We met new people at a speaker’s conference and made new friends we know we will only cherish more with time. Hubby spent time at car shows in the summer, then dived back into volunteering and substitute teaching at a local jr. high. He loves this work probably more than he did engineering! But helping people has always been his gift and I love that about him.
We saw lots of family we didn’t expect to see this year. And when you think about the temporary-ness of life on this earth, it makes you grateful for every moment. Kids and granddaughter and nieces and nephews and sisters and brothers and cousins and of course, my mom. We are ever so glad she is still with us at 94! But I still miss my dad six years later. I can no longer listen to “O Holy Night” without thinking of his last request to me.
“Sing O Holy Night,” he said. I had barely gotten in the door of his room and had to set down the McDonald’s bags and take off my coat. He repeated the request before I got that far.
I met his gaze. “You want me to sing, “O Holy Night?”
“Yes,” he said, his look earnest.
The hospice nurse had also been asked to sing this song but she refused. How could anyone refuse my dad? So I started singing. I used to sing solos – don’t tell anyone! – and “O Holy Night” was one I sang as a teenager in church long ago. Maybe Daddy remembered that. Maybe not. We really don’t know why he requested this song that November, but he did.
So now it means even more to me than it once did. What a story of God’s good news rests in the lines of each verse. Maybe Daddy knew that and since he also knew he would soon meet Jesus, he might have wanted that saving grace reminder.
And you know, I think that’s what 2017 has taught me the most. We’ve had some super struggles, some huge disappointments, some major grief. But we’ve also had hope and love and yes, even glimpses of joy. Because when I read Scripture or I see someone who puts the hashtag #reclaimedfaith after their name, I’m reminded that God never gives up on any of us. We are all prone to wander from time to time. We are all easily swayed to leave the God we once loved and we know deep down still loves us.
And that’s the best reflection I have of 2017. That God has never once abandoned me even when I’ve been at my worst. He has not held my sin against me because I’m His and He is mine and He doesn’t condemn those who are His. He loves us. He wants everyone to belong to His family. We never have to feel like our table is empty and the laughter has gone just because people are not with us at the moment. We have Jesus. If we know Him. He welcomes us to a huge feast that’s going to surpass any party you’ve ever attended! We just have to accept the invitation.
I once got an email that said there was a gift waiting, but I had to accept the gift. And I thought, isn’t that exactly what God offers us? We give gifts at Christmas and birthdays and whenever we want to all year through. But if the person who is offered the gift rejects it, then they miss finding out what was wrapped inside. God holds out His hand and freely offers the gift of grace and eternal life if we but believe in His Son. But we have to click “accept” to claim it.
My prayer for 2018 is that it be a year where we reflect not on the past that cannot be repeated and live in a wish-it-were-world. Rather let us live one day at a time delighting in the Lord and in the grace He’s given, and when the hard times come–and they will–still return to that delight and trust in the Lord because we know He is going to work it out. He will walk with us through the hard times. He will give us a hand to help us out of the pit. He will be there in our darkest moments and He will even whisper our name and say, “I love you. Do you remember?”
And then “O Holy Night” will carry far more meaning for us and we will look back next year and think, “It wasn’t easy, but we walked through the waters and the fires and the storms because God carried us through.”
May God bless your coming year with His greatest gift of grace and peace.
~Selah
