Remembering…

Today marks the tenth anniversary of my dad’s entrance into heaven. I suppose some things do get easier with time, but missing him is not one of them. He will always hold a dearly loved place in my heart.

If you knew my dad or if you could have known him, you would have liked him. I can still see him sitting in a chair, watching his grandchildren, with the hint of a smile on his face. You could tell he was enjoying every minute.

Of course, not everything in his life made him smile like that. He endured a lot of suffering on this earth, and when it was time for him to leave, he was ready to be with his Father. I love the fact that though his memory wasn’t what it had been, he never forgot his God.

As we ran errands this morning, we were listening to Christmas music–I know, I’m a little early–but I like to mix things up. One of the songs, “O Holy Night” came on the playlist, and the memory took me back to Daddy’s last week on earth.

I took him lunch from McDonald’s, as usual that Wednesday. My mom was with him as was the hospice nurse. When I walked in with food I hoped he could eat, he looked at me and said, “Sing ‘O Holy Night.'”

“You want me to sing, ‘O Holy Night?'”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” I said.

‘O Holy Night’ was one of the first songs I sang in church when I began to sing solos in my teens. Why my dad wanted that song, I will never know. He didn’t say much else that day. Couldn’t eat much either, so after I sang him part of that song, my mom and I sang some of his favorite hymns to him.

A few days later, his kids gathered around him with the hospice chaplain and my mom and we all sang more hymns to him. By now, Daddy was in a coma, but they say hearing is the last thing to go. So we sang.

My brother was there for a time that last day of Daddy’s life. Little did I realize that ten years later, he would also be gone from this earth. His birthday was two days ago. Normally, I would have called him…I sat beside my brother and sang, “How Great Thou Art” at Daddy’s funeral. I can still hear his voice. Daddy’s too. Funny the things we don’t forget. So I’ve done a bit of reflecting on both men this week.

Memories can be cleansing and helpful. I know I’ve shared part of this story before, but I’m reminded even more of his life at this time every year. Two of my sons sang Phil Wickham’s “Heaven Song” as a testament to my dad’s love of God and the Bible and how he read it every day, every year, cover to cover.

Life has changed a lot since the day we said goodbye–or “see you again someday,” as I prefer to see it–with a biblical worldview. I can’t say I miss visiting the nursing home where he spent three years of his life. But I miss him. He had the biggest smile for me when he caught a glimpse of me coming down the hall or entering his room. He loved me in a way that only now can I understand. I don’t think kids grasp a parent’s love until they have kids of their own. And even then, they can’t know how that love deepens and grows and simply can’t be removed from our hearts no matter what our relationship may look like at any given time. Parental love is not like God’s love, but it is strong. If what I read lately is correct, they say a mother keeps part of each child’s cells or DNA or something like that in her body even when the child is grown. Even if she miscarried or aborted the child. Makes our children impossible to forget.

While my dad didn’t carry my cells within him, I know his kids and grandkids and great grandkids were imprinted on his heart. You just don’t lose that.

Maybe that’s why the connection, even in death, is impossible to forget. We are family and family is a good thing. I’m not saying that all families are healthy, but the idea of family as God intended is good. My dad was a good dad.

And so on this day, I wanted to pay him honor one more time. Ten years. Wow. So much has changed since he left us. I wonder if God allows him to see what’s going on down here on earth. Does he see all of the prayers he prayed for us, rising as incense before God’s throne? Will God tell him when they are answered? Because some of them aren’t yet. I wonder…

And I remember. Just thought I share those memories today.

~Selah

#memories #mydad #homegoinganniversary #heaven