“Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Deuteronomy 5:16
Moses received this command, along with the rest of the Ten Commandments on Mt. Sinai somewhere between the 13th and 16th centuries B.C. (You can read all about Moses and the Israelite Exodus from Egypt and the giving of these commands in the book of Exodus. I also give a fictional account in Miriam’s Song.)
Many generations later, in Ephesians 6, the Apostle Paul quoted this command with a parenthetical comment in between:
“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
I’m going to list the Ten Commandments below, but first I want to focus on just this one–the first commandment with a promise. That promise? “That it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
I wonder…does anyone really think that this is a bad promise? I don’t know about you, but I certainly want life to go well and a long life on the earth has its pluses. So why would we ever think that dishonoring our parents was good or acceptable?
Since our society tossed most displays of the Ten Commandments from public life on the “separation of church and state” fallacy, I wonder how many of our younger generations even know what they are or where they came from? One thing is certain, we are living in a time when honoring parents has become optional and often disdained. Countless parents have become the “throwaway” generation, who are not worth the time or effort or even kindness of their offspring.
If you have not heard of this phenomenon, then I suggest doing a little research online. Stories of adult children breaking ties with parents are rampant. Spouses or significant other’s sometimes encourage estrangement from their mate’s families. Friendships fail over the slightest disagreement. The accompanying grief and confusion is real.
Facebook groups exist with thousands of members of parents of estranged adult children. The ideology of people who have adopted this thinking seems to focus on their own self love. If someone doesn’t make them happy or interferes with their choices or whatever the reason, they become expendable. Everyone can fall into the expendability category.
We shouldn’t be surprised that this is happening. We’ve been legally “expending” babies since 1973. We discard the elderly into homes where no one visits and they spend many final years in loneliness. The few years that we have between the cradle and the grave are spent pursuing our own selfish ends.
2 Timothy 3 –
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”
These words ring all too true today. Everywhere I turn, I hear about leaders in Christian ministry who would rather embrace the culture to fit in with it than to obey the Word of God and tell the world about Jesus. Making disciples of all men and women is not the same as preaching a message that tells men and women that they are just fine the way they are. There are too many churches who have stopped preaching as Jesus did when He said, “Repent! The kingdom of heaven is at hand.”
Our throwaway culture doesn’t look at life from a Scriptural perspective. We tossed that out with the reading of the Bible in public places and displaying the Ten Commandments for all to see. Even if we accept a different belief system than the one found in the Bible, it is hard to find fault with those commands.
Just for reference, let me list them here in shortened form:
“You shall have no other gods before me.
“You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.You shall not bow down to them or worship them…
“You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy…
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
“You shall not murder.
“You shall not commit adultery.
“You shall not steal.
“You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
Which one of these commands do you think would actually be good to break? From what I read in the news, we seem to be celebrating the very opposite of these. Our courts are rife with false testimony. We think little of stealing, and advocate for murderers. We worship anything but the Creator God of the Bible. We misuse His Name, we dishonor our parents, and we covet everything we can’t have.
We are a culture of dissatisfaction. A people without true purpose because our sole goal in life has become to please ourselves. Is it any wonder then, that as I stated at the beginning, we care nothing for the people who gave us life, giving up on them for the slightest of reasons? Are we really that unforgiving to not realize that none of us are without fault?
If you are among those who believe the lies that there is nothing wrong with discarding family or friends without an explanation or even a desire to reconcile, I hope one day you rethink your position. I would hate for you to be the one discarded one day.
Have you been shut out or hurt by those you love most? Don’t retaliate or treat them as they are treating you. Never lose hope that one day things could yet change. Keep forgiving, keep loving unconditionally even if it is not returned. Wait patiently for God to meet you in your time of need.
I began this post talking about honor being a lost art. It is actually a lost command. God didn’t tell us to love our parents, though that would be the kindest thing to do. He didn’t even tell adult children to obey their parents. He said to honor. Respect them even if you don’t agree with them or even like them. You might not like your governor or city mayor or senator or judge, but you can respect their office. In the same way, you can respect the “office” that your parents hold as the ones who raised you or gave you birth. They didn’t have to do that, you know.
What if your parents didn’t raise or love you? There are too many children growing up without parents or with truly toxic role models. Toxic meaning abusive, not meeting your needs, abandoning you, exploiting you — truly doing these things. (Not fictionally doing so in today’s rewritten childhood histories.) Should you honor them?
God doesn’t make a distinction. Honor doesn’t mean you have to share their lives if it is dangerous to do so. I’m not talking about the truly horrific situations. I’m talking about the epidemic of distancing from a loving family without explanation. Or causing your family members to walk on eggshells around you because they fear they might lose your affection. That is not honor.
Maybe honor is an art as well as a command. We are all raised by flawed people because all of us are flawed at a heart level. There comes a point in our adult life when we have to look at our parents and decide that they were human too. And then forgive. And honor them even if we don’t agree with them. In time, we might find that we really did love each other all along.
~Selah
The Conversation
My parents and my in-laws both lived wonderfully long lives (although the older I get, the younger I think they were!). I’ve told my husband so many times that this is the fulfilling of this promise of “Honor your father and your mother…”) We certainly honored our parents. My parents were the best Christian examples to their children and their families. Everyone admired and respected them. I was truly blessed.
What a great legacy, Lana! Thank you for sharing that.