They can also be a way to cut back on just too much to do. I guess my life has been a bit of both this summer. Technically, it’s still summer, though it is September, but school is back in session and now seemed like a good time to see if I can keep up with this online journal.
And yes, this year has been challenging, but then I could say that about most years! This one, however, brought some significant life change, and I will admit, I’m still adjusting to some of it. I figured it might be good to catch you up on a few things – and if you want more, please sign up for my newsletter, which comes out September 4th.
The challenges? Well, right now it’s Tiger trying to mess with my typing…but that’s normal. The biggest change has been having my mom move four hours away from me. All of my life, through marriage and children and so much more, my parents have lived within five miles of our home. This year changed all of that. While my dad has been with Jesus for almost seven years, we still have my mom—thankfully. But we knew in June that life was about to take a turn, and last week, my mom moved in with my sister, about a four hour instead of a fifteen minute drive from me.
I won’t go into details except to say that I am very grateful to my sister for having a place big enough to include our mom. And I’m very grateful that my mom is still healthy and wise and able to play word games with me over wifi. At 96, who else do you know that can play online word games? I am truly, truly grateful for her. I just don’t know how easy that drive is going to be, but you can bet we will make it. Do you think Tiger would like to go too? Hmm…they do have dogs…
It’s also been challenging to have our house basically half torn up as hubby paints rooms and sets out to remodel our house. We have this ridiculous desire to downsize, so while he remodels, I’m writing, and sorting and pitching and selling and donating and wondering if it would be easier to just toss things without looking! But then I’d wonder what I just tossed, so that wouldn’t work. And why didn’t anyone tell us (when we were young) that all of that stuff you wanted back then, is going to have to find a new home when you can’t handle the stairs any more. Not that we can’t handle the stairs yet, but life has a way of making you age whether you like it or not! And there are days, when my body screams, “Why are you doing this to me? Stop sitting. Stop moving.” Yeah, I know. I’m complaining. But not really. I hope it’s more an explanation.
Downsizing is a discussion we are having among some author friends, and I’m learning so much. The things we hold on to so tightly in our youth will end up at the Salvation Army or Goodwill or (Name your charity) in the end because your kids aren’t likely to want your stuff. It happens.
Those pharaohs of old who filled their tombs with riches didn’t get to enjoy them in the underworld. That was simply false teaching and a whole lot of waste for those living.
But I digress. I am sorting. And I am anxious to part with stuff. Especially after seeing my mom do the same. But hubby is remodeling and his advise for this blog post was not to interfere with the remodeler’s progress. Let him handle things in his way at his pace. (In other words, be patient. He always comes through and gets it done. Why am I always in such a hurry?)
He really is doing a great job, just so you know. And I am confident that when the time is right, God will help us to go where He wants us to go next. I’m praying for a few things in our next home, but we shall see. God has a way of surprising us, yes?
The reason for my sabbatical was mostly to focus on writing this summer. I am happy to say that I am on track. Two edits down, a few to go. One book still to finish. One outline done on another. But by God’s grace, I think I will make it to deadline. At least I’m starting to feel normal again.
What I’ve learned this summer? Oh…so much with so much left to learn.
I’ve been reading old journal prayers and I ask myself, have I grown in grace? Why am I still praying for the same things? And yet, in other ways I realized that in the past I spent a lot of time whining to God about something I longed for Him to do. I mean, I gave Him advice on how to do it. Suggested ways this or that could come about. Gave Him specifics on what I hoped for. And that’s not necessarily wrong. He wants us to tell Him what is on our hearts. He wants us to ask in detail. He likes specifics.
But when I look back on what I asked for and He did not answer yes to, I breathed a big sigh of relief. Thank you, Lord for saying NO! I would not have wanted now what I asked for then. And when I came to the end of myself and decided nothing was going to happen at all, He answered in such a marvelous way that I could not have imagined it. And I have learned just this past week how very blessed I have been with His way, not mine. Wow! I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
As I reread those prayers, I sensed God telling me, “If I could wow you then, why are you worrying about the things you are asking of Me now?”
Our wants don’t go away, they just change. And as I age, and want to downsize, I also want different things. I want eternal things. Stuff that means far more than the insignificant requests of my past. I want what lasts for eternity.
And God says “Trust Me”. “Wait.”
One summer is not enough time to learn how to wait well. We are on a journey that lasts our lifetime. We learn to know God day by day. Minute by minute. And “trust me” is hard. Faith might be strong, but hope can dim. Circumstances weigh us down. We worry. We obsess. We wrestle with trust.
This is where I still stand even after a summer of struggle, work, and profound change. Because in my humanity, I want to know now. I want to see today. I want to hear and taste and touch and have my faith become sight. I want answers to my current journal prayers.
One day I will look back on these current journal prayers and think, “Thank you, Lord, for making me wait. Look how grand Your answer was! It wasn’t at all like I expected! I’m so glad you didn’t give me that then!”
We think we know best. We work hard. We fight and pray and work and play and struggle to do what we know He wants us to do. Yet we will always fall short of the goal, the prize, the best if don’t let go of our hold of things and rest in His goodness, His timing, His will, His way.
My summer sabbatical was meant to let me rest a little. But I think it taught me that I still have a long way to go to know what it means to trust my God to keep His promises. He will. I just have to wait.
Be blessed.
~Selah
#backtowork #sabbaticalsover #summersolticeturnstofall #breakinginagain #moretocome #godisgood
