I talk a lot about my dad on social media and have mentioned him here on this blog. That’s probably because he’s been in heaven for the past eleven years and I still miss him. I have a desire to share that longing for him with others, but no one else except my mom and sister can really relate to what I’m feeling. He was a great listener and I will never stop feeling grateful for the many prayers he offered up for me and for my family. We miss people who care about us that much, don’t we? He made life special in his own quiet way.
If you’re like me, you want to know people care about you. That those you love are interested in your well-being. But the truth is, so much of the time we are all wrapped up in ourselves and our own needs. So few of us really want to listen to the woes or complaints of others. And sometimes, we need to be heard. My mom taught me that. She can be a good listener too.
Of course, most of the time, I pour out my deepest feelings to God, not people. It’s a private introvert thing, unless my poor hubby is stuck listening. (I’m working on that!)
A friend told me the other day that she complains or vents to God while she vacuums. That’s a good way to keep it quiet, for sure! I vent in my journals or I cry in the shower, but I think all of us who face life clinging to our faith yet wondering if the struggles are ever going to end need to release the emotion somehow. And truth be told, when I remember to cry out to God because I just can’t keep praising Him or praying for answers that don’t come on my own, He hears me. And faith is restored. And when I really wrestle with Him and apologize for my anger, don’t you know I always feel more grateful that even on my worst day, as one pastor I love to listen to repeats – even on my worst day, God is still crazy about me. That’s something to cling to because it’s true.
So what does my mom’s teaching have to do with my dad and the angst I go through (we all go through) in this life? Well…she’s almost 98 years old…and honestly, I couldn’t possibly cover everything I’ve learned from her in this short space. But I will share a few.
For one, she has a heart to share. She’s struggled with anxiety as I do, but she is still always trying to give those worries to the Lord. She hasn’t given up or decided she has no more to learn. Sometimes we want to do that, don’t we? But even when she might want to, she will still try to grow in her life and in her faith. It can’t be easy given her physical limitations.
The other day we were visiting some friends and my friend happened to have found a letter my mom wrote to her back in the early 1990s when that friend was making a move across the state. It reminded my mom of the move they had made when my dad’s job took him from the west side to the east side of Detroit. Mom left church, friends, and even her sister who lived close by. At the time, a dear friend of hers gave her a couple of poems, which my mom gave to my friend. I remember those poems from my childhood. In the basement of our home when I was growing up, we had a chest of drawers and in one of those drawers, my mom kept favorite poems and sayings. The two she sent to my friend were two I knew well.
I will share the one here – along with the picture I took of my mom’s original typed version.
Child of My love – fear not the unknown morrow
Dread not the new demand life makes of thee.
The ignorance doth hold no cause for sorrow
Since what thou knowest not is known to me.
Thou cans’t not see today the hidden meaning
of My command, but thou the light shall gain.
Walk on in faith, upon My promise leaning
And as though goest, all shall be made plain.
One step thou seest – then go forward boldly
One step is far enough for faith to see.
Take that, and thy next duty shall be told thee
For step by step thy Lord is leading thee.
The reason my friend gave me that letter is because Randy and I are now finding ourselves at a crossroads, desiring to move, not sure where to go. After 33 years in this house, it’s a daunting challenge, and Tiger’s health isn’t making a long distance move easy. But then we aren’t sure long distance is where God wants us right now.
My mom taught me, among many other things, to take the struggles and changes of life and move forward even when everything in her wanted to hold back. She’s lived through a lot in her almost 98 years. I can’t say that I’ve lived through the Depression as a child or feared the Cold War or watched my new husband go off on the train at the Detroit depot to join the Army Air Corp in WWII or have a baby while he was away and raise him without her husband for two whole years. I didn’t have to move across the city even when we married, away from everyone I knew and start all over, or years later move again, and again, and again. I can bet she hopes she’s done moving until she reaches heaven’s shores.
And yet through that and so much more, like losing her parents and sister and husband and feeling estranged from people she loved and finding life a challenge just to get up every morning. I know I will be there someday. Yet, like my dad, through it all, my mom has kept the faith. She’s still telling me to trust the Lord when I’m facing my own life trials. When I wonder if I can take it anymore, she still comforts me. And if she remembers this poem, she would probably quote it to me.
I don’t know where God will lead Randy and I in the future or how much more time my mom has on this earth, but one thing I know, that I hope our family has learned like I have is that a life of faith in Jesus makes the world a lot easier to handle, even in the toughest trials, than it does without Him. Where would I be if He had not rescued me? Where would you be? Have you let Him rescue you too?
I’ll admit, sometimes I fear the unknown morrow and dread the new demand life makes of me. But until life on this earth is over, I will take that one step at a time, just like my mom has done, and walk the path God has for me. I know He is with me and He hears those cries in the shower or complaints above the vacuum’s roar. And He is not deaf to us and He is not silent. He might not respond right away or in the way we want Him to, but He will respond in the way we need Him to. As step by step our Lord is leading thee.
~Selah
#motherlyadvice #whatmymomtaughtme #faith #fearnot #stepbystep #letGodlead
