When my children were young, there were things I wanted to teach them – things I had learned the hard way and wanted to spare them hard lessons. One of those lessons had to do with the sometimes complicated issue of forgiveness.
I take seriously the words of Scripture that tell us to not let the sun go down on our anger, lest we give the devil a foothold. To our western ears that might sound strange, but it goes hand in hand with “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;” (Hebrews 12:15 ESV)
You see anger not dealt with leads to bitterness.
In his book, Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt, New York Times Bestselling Author, Jentezen Franklin, says, “While getting hurt is reality, getting and staying bitter is a reaction. We must live a lifestyle of constant forgiveness.
The best way to cut off that seed of bitterness and to prevent it from becoming a root that just grows and grows, is to not go to bed mad at each other. If you have a grievance, do your best to work it out. In other words, forgive.
Of course, teaching something and living it are not always the same thing.
C.S. Lewis wrote, “Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.”
When I was young, I do not recall being taught about the concept of forgiving each other. That could be because there was bitterness going on between members of my family and in my own heart. I learned to stuff my anger and hold a grudge, without even realizing I was doing so. Thus my desire to teach my sons a better way.
Have you met a bitter person? They aren’t so fun to be around, are they? But they are everywhere. They are us, if we aren’t careful.
It’s super easy to grow angry at things in life. No one goes through life without being hurt by something or someone. They say you hurt the ones you love the most, and I bet that’s true for most of us, yes? Why? Because we’re around them the most? Because we know they will love us anyway? It’s hard to say.
But the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high if hurting each other was impossible. And families wouldn’t be dysfunctional or broken in some fashion if we all just got along splendidly. But even Jesus’ family was made up of imperfect humans, except for Him, and they thought He was crazy at one point in His ministry.
So we know without doubt we are going to blow it at some point with those we love. Or with our friends. Or with our co-workers.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “I don’t get mad, I get even.” But the only reason you would want to get even is if you are angry. And if you forgive the one who caused your anger, you would have no desire to get even.
We don’t get a pass regarding bitterness in our hearts, no matter how big the offense done to us. I don’t think we can top what Jesus had done to Him, and yet He allowed the suffering for the express purpose of forgiving us–to keep us from getting what we deserve.
How can we do any less?
If you’ve read The Crimson Cord, you might recognize a parable I borrowed from Jesus’ story about the unforgiving servant. Jesus told about a man who owed the master a great debt he couldn’t pay. So the master forgave the debt because the master had mercy on the servant. But then the servant turned around and wouldn’t forgive his fellow servant or show him mercy as he’d been given. So the end of the story for that unforgiving servant was far worse than if he’d just had a forgiving heart.
Is there any reason you are holding onto something that you really should forgive? Have you let anger grow so big that it’s become all consuming bitterness? Does forgiving seem completely impossible? The hurt is too great?
Why forgive?
I’ve lived with those chains. I’ve held those grudges. It’s not fun. And I don’t want to go there again. I’ve seen it destroy people and that breaks my heart. I’ve seen people shrivel under the weight of it and I wonder if it might not lead to a host of mental and physical ailments we face today. I don’t know. But God doesn’t give us instructions for no reason. He always has a good purpose for what He requires.
That’s why we forgive. It’s a choice we make over and over, but I promise you, it’s worth making.
#livegrace #forgiveoneanother #lovetruth
